I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
