I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
