If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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