bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
