He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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