It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
