Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
