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There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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