Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
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I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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