Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
