maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
