At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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