i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
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If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
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At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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