just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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