i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Randomize
