Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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