:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
