i think i have two assholes
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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