i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
