yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
