oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
