ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
