My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
operation harelip BJ is a go
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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