i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
