we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Slut skills are useful in every country.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
