I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
