I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
