I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
