Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have tasted many bathrooms
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
