You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
