if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
