It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
