sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
