toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
