That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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