Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
A+ Viking dick
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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