Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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