dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
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the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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