I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
