Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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