Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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