Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
