quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
