So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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