saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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