just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
