just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
