im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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