My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
