so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize