dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he puts the penis in happiness.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
