Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
