i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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