you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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