I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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