How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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