ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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