I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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