i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
