can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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