Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
