Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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