that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My ATM looks so different sober.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
