I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
