that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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