woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
