Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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