Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He passed out mid-signature
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
