i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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