Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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